Marriage, Sex

Slow It Down! 7 Tips To Heat Things Up!

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This week let’s talk about sex! Oh, right… we already do that. Well, if you’ve been married for any extended period of time, you might have noticed things can get a little… well… predictable. OR if you are newly married and trying to figure things out, you may have struggled with the following, ehem… situation:

You and hubs are making out on the couch. Things are getting hot and heavy. 45 seconds later, these 3 words cut through the lip smacking and unzipping:

“Are you ready?”

‘Am I ready? No? It’s been 45 seconds and I haven’t stopped thinking about ‘The Office’ reruns we paused for this. So, no. I am not “ready.” 

Sound familiar? Then you know the pressure to rush into sex. Here you are, getting your mind in gear and alerting the rest of your body that “IT’S TIME!” and your hubs is sitting there rearing-to-go, seemingly tapping his feet and checking his watch.

Hey, sometimes quickies are all we need to “scratch that itch” but there are other times we want to take things slowly and draw things out to enjoy them- to enjoy each other and yet it seems that Hubs didn’t get the memo. You can remind him all you want but sometimes when he wants one thing, he wants ONE THING.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

NO ONE LIKES A STICKY SLIDE. You just end up with disappointment and a big ol’ wedgie.



What kinds of things can we do to help slowwww down things so that we are warmed up and ready for comfortable sex? Or even better, how can we help Hubs not feel discouraged when we take longer to get ready to bang? Well, I’ve got some ideas and some tricks to try! So, here are my

7 Tips To Slow Down And Get In The Mood!

Go Slowly

Oh, great, this whole post is about going slowly- way to state the obvious, E.

Hey, it’s true! If you want to show hubs to slow it down, you slow down first!

Make It An All Day Thing

I know for me, this helps get my mind fixed on what is going to happen that night and it helps me look forward to the evening’s events.

Let your kiss linger a little longer as you hop out the door for work or let him pick out our underwear and bra (0r nothing…) for the day.

Or send him some sexy texts while he’s away at work.

Good ideas for sexy texts:


Bad ideas for sexy texts:


Alright, you’ve finally built up some anticipation for the evening and you don’t want to spoil it with your hubs, “Ronnie Racehorse,” so start…. slowly.

Guide Him

Take his hand to different places you want to be touched and let him explore. Keep some clothing on, even- it gives more touching options and different sensations. Heck, set a timer and turn it into a game for the two of you- you can’t leave that spot until the timer goes off!

Women, on average, take about 20 minutes to “warm up.” One of my fave quotes from J. Parker( Check Out Her Blog Here!) is, “as women sometimes we have to be in act of starting to have sex that we realize we actually want it!”

Turn On Some Slow/Sensual Music.

I am a musician and music moves me. So for me, having music on helps set the mood and it helps me find a “groove” to follow.  When you have slow music playing, you can move slowly with the tempo of the music. If you are trying to get it on with “Cotton-Eyed Joe” in the background, 1. Why? (cool, but why?) 2. You’re not necessarily going to want to move slowly… But, put on some slow R&B or some instrumentals and you may be able to focus and enjoy things a little more.

Get Out Of The One Track Mindset

Sex can easily become a checklist to get done. For some women, it may just be to pacify your husband from bothering you. For some men, it may be part of the “things-you-do-after-thinking-about-sex” list.

While desiring to have an orgasm isn’t a bad thing, if we only think of sex as a means to an end, we end up missing out on the gift that sex really is! Hey, I’m working through this is my marriage right now but I am a firm believer that sex shouldn’t be a flippant afterthought and that we should desire our spouses and sex!

Having sex before marriage puts a damper on things. When you become physical outside of your covenant of marriage, there are very little “strings attached.” I say that loosely because there are strings attached! Sex outside of marriage doesn’t require you to try to get to know the person you are hooking up with. You have sex, you get your pleasure, and you get outta there. And when our one track idea to “have an orgasm” leads our desire to have sex, we miss out on the other benefits that sex in a marriage brings.

Lastly, if your partner struggles with or had a past struggle with porn, I urge you to read this post. Porn changes how we think about sex and how we respond to sex and if those images of people seemingly “always on” bombard your mind, you’re going to believe it!

Slow it down. 7 tips to heat things up

Talk It Out

I will probably beat this point into the ground and sorry, not sorry. As women, a lot of our upset comes from assumption. We assume our husbands know we are unsatisfied in our sex lives or we assume that Hubs realizes that his “one track mind” is a problem that he just doesn’t want to fix.

Talk about ways you can implement some of the ideas above. Or maybe just set a timer for 20 minutes to get the real feel for how much time and anticipation we may need.

Pray About It

Yeah, do that. God knows our every need before we even realize it sometimes. Ask Him to help guide you guys through this process and help give each of you wisdom and patience to see it through! And remember, give grace.


Emily Heart

3 thoughts on “Slow It Down! 7 Tips To Heat Things Up!

  1. Thank you for the tips! Make it an all day thing is what stuck out the most for me! You seriously made me giggle with the texts and dry slide, lol. Thanks E.!

  2. The dry slide absolutely cracked me up and I have a true story to the exact situation while pausing “the office”, lol! So your post was on point! I loved your tips as well 🙂

  3. Haha, great post! Glad I’m not the only one who’s like, “Ready?? No, not yet!” Lol. I definitely believe talking about it is important but its also important to be gentle and loving in your discussion. I think it can be easy to take things out on our husbands. Don’t let it start a heated discussion (or “fellowship,” as Priscilla Shirer puts it ?).

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